these are pots made of clay. they contain the famous BAGOONG from pangasinan. this is in Lingayen. i took it last april.
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Monday, May 24, 2004
Bagoong Pots
these are pots made of clay. they contain the famous BAGOONG from pangasinan. this is in Lingayen. i took it last april.
Bathed In The Afternoon Sun
this is the door of one of the two rooms in our house in pangasinan, taken in the afternoon.
Friday, May 21, 2004
yet again..
i feel like being born into this world for the first time. honestly. the past few days of my life has had me tremendously altered. i have been pondering much, as my previous entry proves, about how my life has changed so far. stop.
i am starting out a new life. after two, long years of wandering in the dark, i have finally found some glimmer of light. i am, hopefully, close to realizing my life's purpose here on earth. [does that sound so creepy to you?] anyways, that is just fine. stop.
honestly, i am changed. stop.
change topic.
something's been bothering me lately. and it's my heart. that's right! she's been bugging me lately about this person from my not-so-distant past. he has come back. apparently with a package-full of goodies! yeah, baby. and now she's begging me to give it a go and dip both my feet into waters at the same time. now ain't that stupid? "only a fool would test the depth of water with both feet."
but really, i don't want to talk about this here.
i am starting out a new life. after two, long years of wandering in the dark, i have finally found some glimmer of light. i am, hopefully, close to realizing my life's purpose here on earth. [does that sound so creepy to you?] anyways, that is just fine. stop.
honestly, i am changed. stop.
change topic.
something's been bothering me lately. and it's my heart. that's right! she's been bugging me lately about this person from my not-so-distant past. he has come back. apparently with a package-full of goodies! yeah, baby. and now she's begging me to give it a go and dip both my feet into waters at the same time. now ain't that stupid? "only a fool would test the depth of water with both feet."
but really, i don't want to talk about this here.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Pondering About Life
lately, i've been thinking much. so much that i could not sleep sometimes. i have been contemplating much about my life as it is now.
my year kickstarted with a bang! hell yeah! i was in singapore until Chinese New Year. we were so happy then because we were also celebrating my aunt's birthday. a few days after, i suddenly had to rush back to manila. the news of my father's untimely death gave me a shock of a lifetime. but i think i carried everything well until he's been buried. only, i did not think of how his death would somehow change some aspects of my life.
i have accepted that a part of me will always miss him. and i have accepted, too, that somewhere in the mansions of my heart, i may hate him and love him at the same time. only sometimes i could not bear to think that he's gone. that he's really gone. that there's no way i could ever talk to him again and ask for his forgiveness. maybe in time i may be pardoned, only if i learn to forgive myself... soon.
april came and april went... through a magic crystal wheather... and again she has left me with another "passing" memory. the death of my class adviser back in my senior year in secondary school came as another shock to me. no one ever thought that NT had such sickness. besides, no one ever thinks of dying in their prime! so it really came as some surprise to us all.
death, loss, loneliness, pain, hatred... i realized now that everyone has to go through these things at some point in our lives in order for us to learn about the most important things in life... our faith in GOD, relationships [that includes our families], shared happiness and grievances, courage to change things and wisdom to accept the things we can not change.
my year kickstarted with a bang! hell yeah! i was in singapore until Chinese New Year. we were so happy then because we were also celebrating my aunt's birthday. a few days after, i suddenly had to rush back to manila. the news of my father's untimely death gave me a shock of a lifetime. but i think i carried everything well until he's been buried. only, i did not think of how his death would somehow change some aspects of my life.
i have accepted that a part of me will always miss him. and i have accepted, too, that somewhere in the mansions of my heart, i may hate him and love him at the same time. only sometimes i could not bear to think that he's gone. that he's really gone. that there's no way i could ever talk to him again and ask for his forgiveness. maybe in time i may be pardoned, only if i learn to forgive myself... soon.
april came and april went... through a magic crystal wheather... and again she has left me with another "passing" memory. the death of my class adviser back in my senior year in secondary school came as another shock to me. no one ever thought that NT had such sickness. besides, no one ever thinks of dying in their prime! so it really came as some surprise to us all.
death, loss, loneliness, pain, hatred... i realized now that everyone has to go through these things at some point in our lives in order for us to learn about the most important things in life... our faith in GOD, relationships [that includes our families], shared happiness and grievances, courage to change things and wisdom to accept the things we can not change.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
UNPLUGGED
i will be away for about a week. i'm going to pangasinan later this afternoon. we'll just have to wait up for my aunt who's arriving from singapore. then we'll be off.
so, i won't be able to blog for a while.
anyone who wants to reach me, my number is on my personal circumstances.
so, i won't be able to blog for a while.
anyone who wants to reach me, my number is on my personal circumstances.
ROAD TRIP
31 March 2004
9:00 p.m.
mission :: deliver the goods
three hours of pure-leaded encounter of the automobile kinds. damned traffic jam! imagine getting stuck at bonifacio avenue in balintawak-- welcome to hell -- from 9:00 p.m. till 12:00 midnight...
north luzon expressway we overrun a metallic object with a great impact. it's almost like one of the front wheels exploded. i thought we were going to lose control of the vehicle and just smash head-on to other cars. *sigh* we were fine.
1 April 2004
5:00 a.m.
finally, after 8 hours on the road, we reached Baguio. trailing Kennon Road, again after almost five years, was an exhilirating experience! the mountains stood in all their magnificence, wrapping me in the most wonderful feelings in all the world. and the cold, morning air was a fresh bath leaving me breathless and wanting more. you cannot experince that when you're in manila where there's only pollution in the air and where the temperature keeps rising to scorching degree.
6:00 a.m.
camp seven:: we arrived at the destination. breakfast at seven whislt a pirated copy of Legally Blonde 2 was playing. 9:00 a.m. till 12:30 p.m., i had my much wanted slumber, at long last. lunch then preparations.
2:30 p.m.
mission :: home
'trekking' down Kennon Road so we could go back to manila. travel was smooth. plus the sun's warmth was really calming in the afternoon at pangasinan [4:00 p.m.]. i had the urge to tell the driver to take a turn go to my hometown-- bayambang. but that was just out of the line. we had to get to manila because lileth has a flight to catch tomorrow morning.
6:00 p.m.
this was a nightmare-like experience. we had to stop at a gasoline station somewhere in tarlac, tarlac. the driver saw what really happened to our jeepney last night when we hit the metallic entity along the expressway. i don't which part was broken that needed to be replaced. it was scary because it's dusk already. and the nearest auto supply shop was almost a kilometer away and it's dificult to get a tricycle 'round here. the driver had to walk. we waited for him for an hour. and he fixed the jeepney, in an hour, too.
8:00 p.m.
back on the road again we thought it was already A-OK, y'know. but we thought wrong. the jeepney wasn't going well. in fact, it seemed like we were dragging something really heavy. we were causing a major traffic build up behind us and we had to change lanes and move to the road shoulder. damn! we cannot go faster than a snail! it would take us another hour and a half before we reach a gasoline station with McDonald's nearby [syempre, special request].
9:30 p.m.
capas, tarlac
munching on my cheeseburger the driver was exchanging words with some of the tricycle drivers in the area. after he had his share, he pounced that part which was broken with another metallic object [ah, blame me! i know not a thing about parts of a vehicle!] mama was already frantic because lileth was with us and she had a flight to catch early tomorrow. she even suggested that if the jeepney can't be fixed, we'd have to take a bus from here to manila. the jeepney cannot be on the road dahil po sa colorum. we'd have to leave dear mr. driver and the jeepney. but anyway, we didn't have to resort to that. after about an hour, we're on the road once more.
2 April 2004
12:00 midinight
north luzon expressway
heavy traffic... inhaling dust and smoke. experiencing too much in the last 24 hours of my hardly-lived life was *way kewL* and muy-exciting and such a FUCKAROW!
2:30 a.m.
pasay, sin city
with my back aching, a lurching stomach-- hungry for food, excited for another bout with carbohydrates and all; a sticky feeling all over because of the confusion of dust, smoke, perspiration; too much humidity...
finally, I AM HOME
9:00 p.m.
mission :: deliver the goods
three hours of pure-leaded encounter of the automobile kinds. damned traffic jam! imagine getting stuck at bonifacio avenue in balintawak-- welcome to hell -- from 9:00 p.m. till 12:00 midnight...
north luzon expressway we overrun a metallic object with a great impact. it's almost like one of the front wheels exploded. i thought we were going to lose control of the vehicle and just smash head-on to other cars. *sigh* we were fine.
1 April 2004
5:00 a.m.
finally, after 8 hours on the road, we reached Baguio. trailing Kennon Road, again after almost five years, was an exhilirating experience! the mountains stood in all their magnificence, wrapping me in the most wonderful feelings in all the world. and the cold, morning air was a fresh bath leaving me breathless and wanting more. you cannot experince that when you're in manila where there's only pollution in the air and where the temperature keeps rising to scorching degree.
6:00 a.m.
camp seven:: we arrived at the destination. breakfast at seven whislt a pirated copy of Legally Blonde 2 was playing. 9:00 a.m. till 12:30 p.m., i had my much wanted slumber, at long last. lunch then preparations.
2:30 p.m.
mission :: home
'trekking' down Kennon Road so we could go back to manila. travel was smooth. plus the sun's warmth was really calming in the afternoon at pangasinan [4:00 p.m.]. i had the urge to tell the driver to take a turn go to my hometown-- bayambang. but that was just out of the line. we had to get to manila because lileth has a flight to catch tomorrow morning.
6:00 p.m.
this was a nightmare-like experience. we had to stop at a gasoline station somewhere in tarlac, tarlac. the driver saw what really happened to our jeepney last night when we hit the metallic entity along the expressway. i don't which part was broken that needed to be replaced. it was scary because it's dusk already. and the nearest auto supply shop was almost a kilometer away and it's dificult to get a tricycle 'round here. the driver had to walk. we waited for him for an hour. and he fixed the jeepney, in an hour, too.
8:00 p.m.
back on the road again we thought it was already A-OK, y'know. but we thought wrong. the jeepney wasn't going well. in fact, it seemed like we were dragging something really heavy. we were causing a major traffic build up behind us and we had to change lanes and move to the road shoulder. damn! we cannot go faster than a snail! it would take us another hour and a half before we reach a gasoline station with McDonald's nearby [syempre, special request].
9:30 p.m.
capas, tarlac
munching on my cheeseburger the driver was exchanging words with some of the tricycle drivers in the area. after he had his share, he pounced that part which was broken with another metallic object [ah, blame me! i know not a thing about parts of a vehicle!] mama was already frantic because lileth was with us and she had a flight to catch early tomorrow. she even suggested that if the jeepney can't be fixed, we'd have to take a bus from here to manila. the jeepney cannot be on the road dahil po sa colorum. we'd have to leave dear mr. driver and the jeepney. but anyway, we didn't have to resort to that. after about an hour, we're on the road once more.
2 April 2004
12:00 midinight
north luzon expressway
heavy traffic... inhaling dust and smoke. experiencing too much in the last 24 hours of my hardly-lived life was *way kewL* and muy-exciting and such a FUCKAROW!
2:30 a.m.
pasay, sin city
with my back aching, a lurching stomach-- hungry for food, excited for another bout with carbohydrates and all; a sticky feeling all over because of the confusion of dust, smoke, perspiration; too much humidity...
finally, I AM HOME
Friday, March 26, 2004
Jim Caviezel *~*~*~* my man
i first saw this hottie in the movie The Count of Monte Cristo. and at that moment i knew he was the one... he was the epitome of my *dream husband* yay! his performance in that movie is truly inspiring. i fell in love with Edmond Dantes. until now, i still burn for him. hehehe you just gotta love this man. his *beauty is enigmatic [this is my blog, i can say whatever i want to say here!]. his smile is so immaculate. and his gaze... it melts my heart. his eyes, i could drown in them. [inarte_ang_bruha]
but on the real thing, man, he has talent. and there's no denying that fact. oh, he's much blessed! good looks and superb talent! what more can a mere human being ask for?!?!?!
i am looking forward to seeing The Passion of The Christ. it's just that, no one's available to see it with me. anyway, i can always wait until the DVD is released. i'd prefer to see it on DVD rather than at the cinema where there'd me much disturbance for concentration. and there's also Highway Men to watch out for.
but on the real thing, man, he has talent. and there's no denying that fact. oh, he's much blessed! good looks and superb talent! what more can a mere human being ask for?!?!?!
i am looking forward to seeing The Passion of The Christ. it's just that, no one's available to see it with me. anyway, i can always wait until the DVD is released. i'd prefer to see it on DVD rather than at the cinema where there'd me much disturbance for concentration. and there's also Highway Men to watch out for.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
The Lord of The Rings: TFOTR; TTT: Special Extended DVD
it's quite funny. it's been two months since i have laid my hands on these stuffs. and it was only today that i, at last, uncovered their Easter Eggs.
on TFOTR, i found the hidden *preciousss on the first disc. and it was hilarious!!! totally! Mr. Peter Jackson said MTV created it. damn! i didn't see in on MTV! how could i've missed it! anyway, it was quite surprising to see jack black's *arse on screen! exhilirating! imagine having *the one ring* to be inserted into his *lil hobbit and then having the council to decide what to do with it... the hidden video was an alternative to what really happened at *the council of Elrond. i already spilled much of the beans...
on TTT, it's also on the first disc. i've seen this one on MTV! yes, my preciousss. i've seen it. it's MTV-ASIA movie awards last year. it was created by the Digital FX team of Mr. Peter Jackson. they knew beforehand that Mr. Andy Serkis was going to receive an award for his performance as Gollum. really an ice-breaker!
anyway, both dvd sets are worthy of my dollars... really worthy...
on TFOTR, i found the hidden *preciousss on the first disc. and it was hilarious!!! totally! Mr. Peter Jackson said MTV created it. damn! i didn't see in on MTV! how could i've missed it! anyway, it was quite surprising to see jack black's *arse on screen! exhilirating! imagine having *the one ring* to be inserted into his *lil hobbit and then having the council to decide what to do with it... the hidden video was an alternative to what really happened at *the council of Elrond. i already spilled much of the beans...
on TTT, it's also on the first disc. i've seen this one on MTV! yes, my preciousss. i've seen it. it's MTV-ASIA movie awards last year. it was created by the Digital FX team of Mr. Peter Jackson. they knew beforehand that Mr. Andy Serkis was going to receive an award for his performance as Gollum. really an ice-breaker!
anyway, both dvd sets are worthy of my dollars... really worthy...
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Friday, March 19, 2004
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
SSDD
it's SSDD...
but it's good that i'm a little better now. thanks to BRANDY!!! hehehehe
man!!! you gotta love BRANDY!!!
what? you don't know BRANDY???
anyway, Brandy is... who? Brandy???
i don't know either...
am becoming such a dorkass here...
anyway... hello to my friend... what was the name again???
but it's good that i'm a little better now. thanks to BRANDY!!! hehehehe
man!!! you gotta love BRANDY!!!
what? you don't know BRANDY???
anyway, Brandy is... who? Brandy???
i don't know either...
am becoming such a dorkass here...
anyway... hello to my friend... what was the name again???
Monday, March 15, 2004
SSDD
yeah, man! it's the Same Shit, Different Day... yet again...
i'm worse right now.
but i can still manage.
i even had a shot of brandy that's supposed to help me sleep earlier. i just didn't know it'd have a different effect on me. instead of lulling me to my much-wanted slumber, i am quite stimulated to stay up for another couple of hours, thus giving me the chance to blog about it. hehehe
one of these days, i'll be changing the skin of my blog. it's become an eyesore to me already. i guess it's because i see the same colors everyday. i've grown to dislike it. i just hope i'll be over and done with the new template i'm modifying; again it's by may*star. and may*star is may, but she's not me. she's a lady from across the globe. i don't personally know her, but she's quite popular in the net. that i can bet on!!!
hehehe
i'll see if i can come back later and blog again.
i'm worse right now.
but i can still manage.
i even had a shot of brandy that's supposed to help me sleep earlier. i just didn't know it'd have a different effect on me. instead of lulling me to my much-wanted slumber, i am quite stimulated to stay up for another couple of hours, thus giving me the chance to blog about it. hehehe
one of these days, i'll be changing the skin of my blog. it's become an eyesore to me already. i guess it's because i see the same colors everyday. i've grown to dislike it. i just hope i'll be over and done with the new template i'm modifying; again it's by may*star. and may*star is may, but she's not me. she's a lady from across the globe. i don't personally know her, but she's quite popular in the net. that i can bet on!!!
hehehe
i'll see if i can come back later and blog again.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Friday, March 12, 2004
this is funny yet very comgeeky...
check this out:
010011010111100100100000011011010110111101110100
011010000110010101110010001000000110100101110011
001000000110000100100000011001100110100101110011
0110100000101110
if you wanna know what this means, go to:
nickciske
010011010111100100100000011011010110111101110100
011010000110010101110010001000000110100101110011
001000000110000100100000011001100110100101110011
0110100000101110
if you wanna know what this means, go to:
nickciske
i hate it!!!
damn! i ain't feeling well right now. i think i'm having a flu. can't breathe easily. and i have a bad bout of cough.
don't really feel like blogging but i figure that i have to. anyway, i just want to get well again and soon...
don't really feel like blogging but i figure that i have to. anyway, i just want to get well again and soon...
Saturday, March 06, 2004
lost... found... and lost again?
i thought i'd never find him again. i never really thought much about it until i found him now. it's been too long since we last saw each other. it's been too long since we last said goodbye. it's been too long since i heard his voice over the phone. it's been too long...
it's been too long...
and now, i'm afraid that it's too late. too late for everything.
i know i may be a year older than him, but he probably looks older than me. but damn! i cannot figure out what's going on in my brain... all the memories keep rushing in at full speed, without warning.
upon learning of his status, i reallly felt like sinking deep. sinking to a bottomless pit. sinking deeper and deeper by the moment... and now, all i could do is think about those times when he was at my reach and still could not touch him...
oh! the unfathomable mysteries of life...
it's been too long...
and now, i'm afraid that it's too late. too late for everything.
i know i may be a year older than him, but he probably looks older than me. but damn! i cannot figure out what's going on in my brain... all the memories keep rushing in at full speed, without warning.
upon learning of his status, i reallly felt like sinking deep. sinking to a bottomless pit. sinking deeper and deeper by the moment... and now, all i could do is think about those times when he was at my reach and still could not touch him...
oh! the unfathomable mysteries of life...
Friday, March 05, 2004
DAMN IT ALL!!!
the first time i saw his picture, the feeling was overwhelming. it was so life-like. it was as if he weren't really dead. but the face of the man in the photograph exudes a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and loss. and i could neither bear to look at it in close range nor stare at it for a minute. it made me feel exactly how it looked. and it made me wanna cry. but i couldn't bear to cry! no! not with too many people around me. not with those prying eyes... no! never!
then i saw something that had once belonged to him. that thing was from me. a coffee mug. on the mug was the message: "IDOL KO SI DADDY". how ironic. i used to feel like, yeah, i admire this man... he's perfect... i loved him. and i still do. damn! i still do!
and now that he's six feet below the ground, may he rest in peace. for peace, as of now, is far from my grasp. i cannot rest my mind nor my heart. no. not yet. until everything is settled.
acceptance. letting go. damned difficult business! up until now, i still could not believe he is dead. that everything i thought of as true and valid are in fact-- lies. that behind the perfect image is a rotting corpse. that the rotting corpse was my father. that my father was a big, fat liar!!!
no, i am not crying right now. that's way out of my league now. i won't cry for him anymore. no. not a single tear. but damn it! he's in my thoughts everytime my mind slips from reality. everytime, like now. and damn! i don't like it!!!
soon... it will be over. soon it will be over and done with...
to those people going against me... think again. for you do not know the real me. no. not at all. so watch your steps. and take extra precaution along the way.
then i saw something that had once belonged to him. that thing was from me. a coffee mug. on the mug was the message: "IDOL KO SI DADDY". how ironic. i used to feel like, yeah, i admire this man... he's perfect... i loved him. and i still do. damn! i still do!
and now that he's six feet below the ground, may he rest in peace. for peace, as of now, is far from my grasp. i cannot rest my mind nor my heart. no. not yet. until everything is settled.
acceptance. letting go. damned difficult business! up until now, i still could not believe he is dead. that everything i thought of as true and valid are in fact-- lies. that behind the perfect image is a rotting corpse. that the rotting corpse was my father. that my father was a big, fat liar!!!
no, i am not crying right now. that's way out of my league now. i won't cry for him anymore. no. not a single tear. but damn it! he's in my thoughts everytime my mind slips from reality. everytime, like now. and damn! i don't like it!!!
soon... it will be over. soon it will be over and done with...
to those people going against me... think again. for you do not know the real me. no. not at all. so watch your steps. and take extra precaution along the way.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
travails and travels...
hehehe
at dawn, i'd be on the road to pangasinan together with my mother and her friend.
it would be the 40th day of my father's death.
duh...
at dawn, i'd be on the road to pangasinan together with my mother and her friend.
it would be the 40th day of my father's death.
duh...
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