Pondering About Life

lately, i've been thinking much. so much that i could not sleep sometimes. i have been contemplating much about my life as it is now.

my year kickstarted with a bang! hell yeah! i was in singapore until Chinese New Year. we were so happy then because we were also celebrating my aunt's birthday. a few days after, i suddenly had to rush back to manila. the news of my father's untimely death gave me a shock of a lifetime. but i think i carried everything well until he's been buried. only, i did not think of how his death would somehow change some aspects of my life.

i have accepted that a part of me will always miss him. and i have accepted, too, that somewhere in the mansions of my heart, i may hate him and love him at the same time. only sometimes i could not bear to think that he's gone. that he's really gone. that there's no way i could ever talk to him again and ask for his forgiveness. maybe in time i may be pardoned, only if i learn to forgive myself... soon.

april came and april went... through a magic crystal wheather... and again she has left me with another "passing" memory. the death of my class adviser back in my senior year in secondary school came as another shock to me. no one ever thought that NT had such sickness. besides, no one ever thinks of dying in their prime! so it really came as some surprise to us all.

death, loss, loneliness, pain, hatred... i realized now that everyone has to go through these things at some point in our lives in order for us to learn about the most important things in life... our faith in GOD, relationships [that includes our families], shared happiness and grievances, courage to change things and wisdom to accept the things we can not change.