:: JRR Tolkien
It's difficult business- falling in love. One must be ready to take in everything, whether it be sweet happiness or bitter pain.
But for me, my case is not concerned with "falling in love with whom", but rather, "falling in love with what and how".
When I was in primary 1, I thought that after that I'd be like that woman speaking in front of the class and teaching us how to read and write. Exactly, a teacher! I felt really awed that I still had to go to school for a decade... that becoming a teacher took more than a year in school [being primary 1 student as a matter of fact].
In my sixth grade in primary school, I discovered I could write. Not that I was unable to write anything comprehensible since kindergarten. I could write with 'content' if you know what I mean. I was a copywriter. And since then, I considered journalism one of my greatest dreams.
Enter my secondary school years. I met new sets of friends, broke ties with some of the old ones and created new ones with those I knew since primary but never had the chance to kindle anything between us. It was an exhilarating experience! Friendship, freedom and new challenges. Along came that someone who awoken something in me that made me a different person from what I used to be somehow. She kindled that fire in me to explore life, love life, and live life. And so, I learned to love the science of life— biology. Then somebody else unraveled my supposed talent in writing. He encouraged me to write again… about anything under the sun. He inspired me to become a staff for the school paper. My part in the school’s two papers, published in both English and Filipino, was, as I may say it, history.
But sometimes, the most unexpected things happen and you just have to let them pass without further adieu. Two of the most important people in my life called it “quits” forever. I got an offer from my relatives abroad to study under their support and care. And I passed the entrance exam from the most coveted universities in Manila [the only university where I took an entrance exam]. Result: my brain resorted to confusion, numbness and a certain trance-like dream.
One day, ‘she’ asked me what I would be taking up for college. I told her I was considering Biology. Her answer, I thought, burst my dream bubble. I thought she would be the most keen person to persuade me to follow her footsteps. Well, I thought wrong. And ‘he’, I suppose he was just another gay spirit who went along my direction and started a friendship with me and the rest of the gang. Not only did we become friends, he also chose to force me into a path I would later regret taking. But it had happened already and I can never return to the past to mend it.
After graduating from secondary school last march 2002, I still didn’t have a clear idea as to what course to take in college… I didn’t have a clear picture of my “supposed-to-be future”. A self-proclaimed grammarian, journalist and biologist... Talk about dreams!!! Specifically, daydreaming.
Everyone knows I went abroad to pursue something I didn’t have any idea about. Well, I took it and I don’t regret it. My one-year stint there was worth so many things. I obtained an international diploma.
But right now, I think I am losing so much time by just hanging around here. I am planning to take up a medical course, which is not Biology. I don’t know if my mind would work right again this time. I just hope it does, like what we both did back abroad.
And talk about love… Have I fallen in love thrice already?
I loved my first love. Was I fit to love it in the first place? I think I was, if not for my talent in it. And where did I start? In school where I lost and gained so much of myself.
I just hope that my new plans will succeed.
So help me God.
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