Jim Caviezel *~*~*~* my man

i first saw this hottie in the movie The Count of Monte Cristo. and at that moment i knew he was the one... he was the epitome of my *dream husband* yay! his performance in that movie is truly inspiring. i fell in love with Edmond Dantes. until now, i still burn for him. hehehe you just gotta love this man. his *beauty is enigmatic [this is my blog, i can say whatever i want to say here!]. his smile is so immaculate. and his gaze... it melts my heart. his eyes, i could drown in them. [inarte_ang_bruha]

but on the real thing, man, he has talent. and there's no denying that fact. oh, he's much blessed! good looks and superb talent! what more can a mere human being ask for?!?!?!

i am looking forward to seeing The Passion of The Christ. it's just that, no one's available to see it with me. anyway, i can always wait until the DVD is released. i'd prefer to see it on DVD rather than at the cinema where there'd me much disturbance for concentration. and there's also Highway Men to watch out for.

The Lord of The Rings: TFOTR; TTT: Special Extended DVD

it's quite funny. it's been two months since i have laid my hands on these stuffs. and it was only today that i, at last, uncovered their Easter Eggs.

on TFOTR, i found the hidden *preciousss on the first disc. and it was hilarious!!! totally! Mr. Peter Jackson said MTV created it. damn! i didn't see in on MTV! how could i've missed it! anyway, it was quite surprising to see jack black's *arse on screen! exhilirating! imagine having *the one ring* to be inserted into his *lil hobbit and then having the council to decide what to do with it... the hidden video was an alternative to what really happened at *the council of Elrond. i already spilled much of the beans...

on TTT, it's also on the first disc. i've seen this one on MTV! yes, my preciousss. i've seen it. it's MTV-ASIA movie awards last year. it was created by the Digital FX team of Mr. Peter Jackson. they knew beforehand that Mr. Andy Serkis was going to receive an award for his performance as Gollum. really an ice-breaker!

anyway, both dvd sets are worthy of my dollars... really worthy...

BEEZEE

way sleezy!!!

i don't really feel like blogging.

i feel like i'm missing someone. he may never know i'm missing him but he may be able to read this.

ahhh... this is hopeless...

SSDD

it's SSDD...

but it's good that i'm a little better now. thanks to BRANDY!!! hehehehe

man!!! you gotta love BRANDY!!!

what? you don't know BRANDY???

anyway, Brandy is... who? Brandy???

i don't know either...

am becoming such a dorkass here...

anyway... hello to my friend... what was the name again???

SSDD

yeah, man! it's the Same Shit, Different Day... yet again...

i'm worse right now.

but i can still manage.

i even had a shot of brandy that's supposed to help me sleep earlier. i just didn't know it'd have a different effect on me. instead of lulling me to my much-wanted slumber, i am quite stimulated to stay up for another couple of hours, thus giving me the chance to blog about it. hehehe

one of these days, i'll be changing the skin of my blog. it's become an eyesore to me already. i guess it's because i see the same colors everyday. i've grown to dislike it. i just hope i'll be over and done with the new template i'm modifying; again it's by may*star. and may*star is may, but she's not me. she's a lady from across the globe. i don't personally know her, but she's quite popular in the net. that i can bet on!!!

hehehe

i'll see if i can come back later and blog again.

SSDD

666F726576657220627920796F757220736964652E00


this is in hex... try it...

SSDD

you know the feeling of monotony???
i guess this is it...

i'm sick to the bones and i'm depressed. totally.

this is one hell of a fuckarow!!!

SSDD, by the way, means Same Shit, Different Day...

this is funny yet very comgeeky...

check this out:
010011010111100100100000011011010110111101110100
011010000110010101110010001000000110100101110011
001000000110000100100000011001100110100101110011
0110100000101110

if you wanna know what this means, go to:
nickciske

i hate it!!!

damn! i ain't feeling well right now. i think i'm having a flu. can't breathe easily. and i have a bad bout of cough.
don't really feel like blogging but i figure that i have to. anyway, i just want to get well again and soon...

lost... found... and lost again?

i thought i'd never find him again. i never really thought much about it until i found him now. it's been too long since we last saw each other. it's been too long since we last said goodbye. it's been too long since i heard his voice over the phone. it's been too long...

it's been too long...

and now, i'm afraid that it's too late. too late for everything.

i know i may be a year older than him, but he probably looks older than me. but damn! i cannot figure out what's going on in my brain... all the memories keep rushing in at full speed, without warning.

upon learning of his status, i reallly felt like sinking deep. sinking to a bottomless pit. sinking deeper and deeper by the moment... and now, all i could do is think about those times when he was at my reach and still could not touch him...

oh! the unfathomable mysteries of life...

DAMN IT ALL!!!

the first time i saw his picture, the feeling was overwhelming. it was so life-like. it was as if he weren't really dead. but the face of the man in the photograph exudes a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and loss. and i could neither bear to look at it in close range nor stare at it for a minute. it made me feel exactly how it looked. and it made me wanna cry. but i couldn't bear to cry! no! not with too many people around me. not with those prying eyes... no! never!

then i saw something that had once belonged to him. that thing was from me. a coffee mug. on the mug was the message: "IDOL KO SI DADDY". how ironic. i used to feel like, yeah, i admire this man... he's perfect... i loved him. and i still do. damn! i still do!

and now that he's six feet below the ground, may he rest in peace. for peace, as of now, is far from my grasp. i cannot rest my mind nor my heart. no. not yet. until everything is settled.

acceptance. letting go. damned difficult business! up until now, i still could not believe he is dead. that everything i thought of as true and valid are in fact-- lies. that behind the perfect image is a rotting corpse. that the rotting corpse was my father. that my father was a big, fat liar!!!

no, i am not crying right now. that's way out of my league now. i won't cry for him anymore. no. not a single tear. but damn it! he's in my thoughts everytime my mind slips from reality. everytime, like now. and damn! i don't like it!!!

soon... it will be over. soon it will be over and done with...

to those people going against me... think again. for you do not know the real me. no. not at all. so watch your steps. and take extra precaution along the way.

travails and travels...

hehehe
at dawn, i'd be on the road to pangasinan together with my mother and her friend.
it would be the 40th day of my father's death.
duh...

LOTR... The Return of the King

Damn! it's december already! am too excited!!! i want to see that movie like my life depended on it.

(sigh) am not sure if i'd be able to see it with friends here in manila. i might be abroad by that time to spend the holidays... so...
nada...

on friday, i'm going to pangasinan together with my mom and sis along with some other peepz...

well, anyway, for more updates on me... just keep on reading...

adios...

a lil nuts...

j-pop rocks!!!
utada hikaru!!!

a lil unwell

yeah, i'm a bit demented these past few days. i don't really know why. can't get enough sleep, too. whenever the day's come to bedtime, i dread it because it means more time tossing and turning in bed and less sleep and bigger eyebags. hehehe

sometimes i resort to reading rather than scratch my eyes till i fall asleep. but sometimes it becomes too fearsome for me to read during nighttime.

I've been reading a certain a book. It was kinda pshycological thriller, with the low-profile characters dying because of some freak 'byrum' from space, an alien feeding on their gut whilst they give off 'death fumes' (farts and belch), and most of their teeth fall off sometime. Man! Imagine yourself in those people's shoes! I just can't forget the night I dreamt about this. Damn! It felt soooo real. In the dream I was ready to die and at the same time I was sorry that I had to die because I was thinking of my family. I was carrying a byrum in my gut and it wants to be out already while my teeth came off drenched in my blood and I was crying. Too sorry for myself...

And then two days after dreaming that peculiar dream, my aunt's 10-day old son died.

Was it coincidence or did I dream him to death?

Naah... It can't be... But can it?

The story has been made into a movie. The Movie disappointed me, really.

Nevertheless, I loved the book and the author... Stephen King.

Dreamcatcher

damned FUCKAROW

duh... been too busy and too tired lately. don't have much time and 'money' to blog. and most of all, i've been too lazy to update my blog, honestly. it felt like i didn't have any real reason to do so...

for two days since coming back from the province, i've been feeling too lazy, i wouldn't wanna move my ass just to get a glass of water. hahaha!

the only person i thought would try to get in touch with me never did so. he never tried even once to take the initiative. well, anyway, he's not the only man left in this damned world! damn! there are others out there craving for my attention, and there he is, fucking guy, ignoring me! hehehe

enough about that guy...

there's just too many things for me think about. the one that bothers me most is my studies. damn it but i'm stuck here. can't get to a school till next year. damn this fuckarow!

i hate to say this but my life just sucks right now! and yeah, i'm laughing at it! hell yeah, i can!

busy... too busy. tomorrow am going to pangasinan. i'll be too busy... and too far from my laptop 9nope, won't be bringing it with me.)

busy... too busy... till then...

read on...

i think the worst will soon come upon me. my mother is giving me the biggest fright of my life.

she'd often go out in the morning and come home late at night [if not very late] carrying a stack of foods.

think that's not frightening? think again, mate!

today, she went out again. earlier, before she decided she'd go out, i heard her talking over the phone. i asked her before she left for her 'date' where she's headed and what's up with it? she says "blah blah blah" if you know what i mean.

then, she comes home at 7:00 pm, 'carrying a stack of foods'. when asked where she went to, i got the same reply.

as she falls asleep, i rummaged through her bag.

and there's just too many things inside there that she wouldn't be carrying if the situation hadn't changed.

my suspicion just grows bigger everyday. and it's eating me up alive. my conscience is bugging me! "hey! that's your mother! how could you!"

and the fear continues to eat up my whole system; tearing apart what's left of my sanity.

but, one thing for sure, i will not be pacified with a 'stack of foods'! soon, i will choke the truth out of her. she's been doing this for 'heaven-knows-when'! and i just hate it! i wish she'd just let go of everything that has happened in out lives. i know this is easier said than done, but to take the first step would be easy.

silence creeps in...
shadows fall into place...
life wasted on nothingness
where do i go

silence rings in ears
breaking the monotony
of a lame life
where do i go

silence all i could hear
shadows closing in on me
fear up my throat
where do i go

silence is all there is
nothingness is bound to be
lust down my groin
where do i go