Natsumi Hattori's Universe

EWAN

2006-09-11T13:22:00.000+08:00

hehehe
funny... pero wala namang nakakatawa...
basta... lakas-tama na naman ako. tagal na pala ako di nagagawi dito.
minsan tinatamad ako... minsan naman, nami-miss ko rin to.

kelan ko kaya mababago layout?... drained na drained nako sa school... minsan, ayoko na. pero minsan, super hyper ako...

ewan ko ba.

basta, hanggang sa susunod na lang ulit pag nasa mood.

Transient...

2006-05-10T09:12:00.000+08:00

this is ephemeral life.

i can't get a decent time online... not enough to update this blog regularly... what will all the hang ups i have in school.

this coming june... i'll be a 3rd year B.S. Physical Therapy student. hopefully, i get through it unscathed.

musta na kaya sya dun sa ibang bansa??... i miss him na talaga...

napadaan lang...

2006-02-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

tagal na pala ang lumipas bago ako nakabalik dito...
nnakaka-miss pero anjan na kc ang mga priorities...

sana, sa bakasyon... magawa ko nang baguhin ang layout nnito kung may time...

hanggang sa susunod.

in transit

2005-12-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

just passing by to say...

that i am currently experiencing technical problems.

primarily, it's a gadget prob with my net connection: i need a new modem (unless, of course, my mother decides to get me a broadband connection, which i am pretty sure is far from possible... way far!)

i am also having some minor probs with school.
first, there is this problem professor who hails himself as a professor... but he's a total shit! i've got no need of him and his stupid subject.

there's also the tons of project to do during the christmas vacation! (sana wala na lang bakasyon!)

that's all for now.

The Tale of The 'Almost' Vanishing Cabinet

2005-09-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

ahh... one helluva night this is! i really wanted to go out tonight with some friends but some things got out of hand... and i decided to take on more important things.

i knew i had to be beside mama when that woman came back. i just knew she'd bring trouble to our house.

that pesky cabinet! i cannot say it's totally ugly or something. but that darn cabinet started it all. the situation was hot. and i mean really HOT. barangay officials were already called in and my aunt called up a police friend to be of assistance (thanks, man! OU1!).

can't give out too much detail. i am just thankful nothing awful happened, especially to 'aling caring.'
hehehe

In the name of...

2005-09-15T22:59:00.001+08:00

on the brink of a major let-down today.

'cause i didn't see you... nor have i heard from you. so what do you call me? slumber now beckons my weary eyes. this soul yearns for ethereal peace it cannot find on earth.
the world seems a little different now you're here. hold on... hold on to me.

if i ever try to run away... just trip me...
and have me fall for you...
all over again.

for the sake of PT DAY

2005-09-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

para sa PT DAY at sa PITIKAN; para kay ALDRIC na dating presidente ng PT1
na ngayon ay PT2 na; para kay JAYSON ng PT4; para sa ANAPHYSIO; para kay Ms abad; para sa healthcare; para kay ms joyce; para sa BSPT batch 2009

mahal ko kayo kaya andito ako ngayon sa bahay ni katotong renz at nagpapakabangag!

Calayo, Nasugbu, Batangas

2005-07-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

2005-07-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

The World Is An Apple

2005-06-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

The Great Eye

Been Too Long...

2005-06-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

it's been quite awhile to make things a little lighter because it's actually been almost three months since i last blogged. so let's point a dirty finger to "THAT DARN SCHOOL"!!! hehehe

the second semester ended like it's supposed to... like a natural death. with nothing much to look back to except the memories of hardships, failed examinations, crazy blockmates, lunatic professors and goofy ones, recognition... etc, etc, etc.

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summer also yielded to the raging rains of the season. all that's left are experiences more vital than the theories taught within the bounds of school.

nstp was almost such a drag if not for friends who make the day a little funnier with a drizzle of crackpots along the side. also, it would have been almost nothing if my efforts were not given due credit (thanks for making me a service awardee... duh).

for the first time in my history with numbers, i have passed. i have always expected to fail in my math subjects. thanks to a wonderful professor who made things easier for me. she taught us well. i learned well, too. now, let's give her credit. (standing ovation, "flease"...)

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hacienda looc

(to follow...)

2005-03-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

MY WALLPAPER

2005-03-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

my first ever collage...

2005-02-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

ibaloy tribe in water paper

2005-02-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

ROCK ON!

2005-02-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

tropang astig.

2005-02-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

tres marias

2005-02-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

IBALOY TRIBE

HAHAHA

2005-01-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

found my wallet!

it was returned to me by Ma'am Cathy of the PT Dept. thanks to whoever gave it back minus the money.

LOST

2004-12-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

this morning, when i rummaged through my bag, i realized that i have lost a very important part of my being the previous night.

MY OP WALLET

it was worth S$16. mommy bought it for me last january.

it contained my mom's atm card, UP's letter of admission for me, my god's picture, my library card, my digicard from SUBARU, my GENTXT cards, my new SUN sim, 500 worth of Philippine Peso... and more than that.

it's a damn FUCKAROW i tell you!!!

It's About Time...

2004-12-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

it has been... what? a month since i last ranted here.
maybe because there's nothing much to say. or maybe i am just holding back
my supposed emotions.

damned fuckarow! can't i have at least one fuckaree once in a while? why do i have to suffer? why do i have to undergo such tribulations which was not really meant for someone as dumb as me?

but what the heack! maybe i have seen it coming but failed to recognize the truth staring right back at me...

(beside meself) i don't understand what i'm blabbering about.

sorry.

SSDD

2004-11-21T23:28:00.001+08:00

yet again...

it's the same shit, just a different day...

or maybe it's not the same shit after all.

i've been happy. yeah.

but now, i don't think i am.

a travel to the skies

2004-10-22T00:22:00.000+08:00

by 6 am, i'll be on the road with other people. we're heading to rizal...

i don't know but... we'll go hiking... am so excited already... can't sleep...
can't stop checking my things... can't stop double-checking my things...

kc po... aakyat kmi ng bundok! yahoo!!!

PT1... monday n lang ako upload ng mga pix natin from malate...
sasabay ko na sa pix na makukuha ko today...

till then!

CRAM!!!

2004-10-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

it's finals week!!!

let's hope for the best! hehehehe

these are the days

2004-10-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

nothing's been up lately.... except that jogging is really crazy... and everyday i look forward to it because it means another free snack or dinner... hehehehe nice, eh?

also, we've been having this insane craving for alcohol for the past week... i was like late for the first time in my english class... and the following day... i was absent... from the same class... hehehe

now i'm thinking of what reason to make so i could get meself an admission slip. anyways, gotta go now... and get some sleep...

2004-10-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

Hear... the gospel according to DAVID! hehehehe

2004-10-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

sir j.Lo, mam ?, ms gacos and webster alindog...

2004-10-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

nightout at blue wave

2004-09-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

MGA BANGAG! part2

2004-09-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

MGA BANGAG!

2004-09-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

natsumi behind the camera while the rest of the gang pose...

2004-09-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

ms joan and ms nona of PT-4

2004-09-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

after-chow at kfc with the 'invincible' PT studs...

2004-09-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

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i flared up at my friend, czarina today.

i got so fed up with her indecisiveness and irresponsibility.

i walked out on her. too bad jake was with her. i'm not sorry i did that. i'm not being a primadonna or something. but i'm only pointing out that as young adults, we should be firm with our decisions and be true to our word. perhaps, let us think at least twice before we give our answers or we'd leave other people hanging on the edge.

fuckarow!

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2004-09-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot...

almost...

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!

hihihihihihi!

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2004-09-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

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our thrice-a-week run has started today. after class, we'd have to run, for the first week, for 15 minutes.

it was one helluva run! because my body was not used to doing such workout! i was completely exhausted. my thigh muscles ached. and i was drenched with my own salty sweat. hehehehe

it was fun though! it was fun. we are holding our workout at macapagal blvd...

2004-09-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

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Fourth of September

it's a saturday. too many things in just a day. let us see how many.

first things first. early in the morning, i received an sms from a friend inviting me to attend a journalism seminar they were having at school. i declined. why? i didn't feel 'IN' it. and besides i was not even sure of joining their publication. after several persuasion, i agreed to be there. so i dashed to the bathroom and cleaned up my arse. talk about ecstacy!

Morale of the event:
wash your arse first thing in the morning so you don't rush when someone persuades you to get somewhere.
dream, believe... ATTACK!

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before the seminar ended, i rushed home to prepare for the next seminar we were required to attend to in my Philosophy class. with anxiety all over my system, my friend jake and i decided to take a ride at the LRT so we could get to our destination without being late for more than half an hour. i was completely pissed off! since we were together, we decided to ride at the rear part of the train where most men are. it was half-past 12. rush hour. need i say more? ok. we both were crushed by those macho idiots!

Morale of the event:
don't always assume that you are one-of-the-boys.

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my Philosophy seminar was supposed to be a blast. maybe i expected too much. but hey! didn't we pay to have Mr. Jaime Licauco to speak before us? did i gain anything from it? not much. we have textbooks for that. and the spaghetti wasn't worth FIGHTING for! the taste was bland.

Morale of the event:
assumptions are not always correct that's why they are called so.
not all foods named spaghetti are made by French. sometimes they are made by French wannabees...
be careful what you fight for. otherwise you might lose your life for something that is not of equal value to it.

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jake, czarina, carol and i decided to go to RobPlaceMla. thinking it was only a few steps away from where the seminar was held, we walked. hell yeah! we walked! we only realized its ACTUAL distance when we arrived at our destination with sore feet, gasping for fresh air, undoubtedly hungry. i was losing grip of my rationale because of hunger. i was irritable already. so maybe i pissed them off-- cza and carol. but what the heck! i was hungry and out of my senses. so i was left with jake. we pigged out at McDonald's before roaming around looking for that something we didn't know. until i saw this bookstore. i remembered to buy myself a NEW AMERICAN BIBLE. what was that? you read it right. a BIBLE. not that i have become much more of a catholic. i needed the book for my Religious class.

shopped for some things at Papemelroti. which i would eventually give to someone. *sigh...

then i saw Animenia. i almost missed what i was looking for until i decided to ask for it. my lucky day! i was able to purchase a copy of the last chapters of Kenshin Himura's life. SEISOUHEN. i was so excited that the moment i saw it and verified it, i immediately called up Kristoffer to inform hm of my fortunate find! and how i told him he was some kind of a loser because I HAD IT FIRST! hehehehe

Morale of the event:
do not talk to a hungry person.
shop for a while to ease down the CHOW.
seek and you will find... ask and you shall receive... NYAHAHAHA!
losers are those who do not have... SEISOUHEN!

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i was only too happy to go home. what with my find! i was so eager to watch the vcd that i bought. but damned traffic jam! and when i did come home... i found out that my laptop had been hacked and been rummaged by a virus... DAMN! i lost everything! i couldn't even watch my vcd nor my dvds on it. lost my thousand music files and pix! WHAT A FUCKAROW!
[it's been fixed by now. i'm using my laptop but it's too damn slow. 24.09]

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far too many things in a day...

confession of a learned soul...

2004-08-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

------------------------------
change is inevitable. i accept this truth.

for whether we like it or not, we have to go through it every once
in a while. too many times in my life have i resented these
alterations and it was not easy.

to know that your life has changed may be easy. but to accept it
and adhere to it is another business. moving on is a different story.

once i felt like the world has gone insane. i thought i only tripped.
lo! i stumbled head-on the ground and hurt myself in the process. when i
stood up, i thought the world was the same. but the injury altered
my perception of the experience. thus impairing me. for the longest
of time.

i put my foot forward as to what is supposed to be--
my first step towards moving on after 1000 days of stagnation.

i have gone far and wide. the road seems to go on like forever.
the second part of my journey has just begun.

so far, so good.

2004-08-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

IV-RIZAL Class 2001-2002

2004-08-31T21:27:00.000+08:00

cochi the dog wonder...
photographed by natsumi

2004-08-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

one day in the life of a frog...
photographed by Natsumi

2004-08-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

the magic of lights...

Almost A Life's Story

2004-08-13T23:04:00.001+08:00

nope. we ain't here to tell a very, very long story. i'm just passing by to let the whole web world know that my midterm exams have just passed. and here's hoping to get them passed.

anyways. i'm really, really pissed off today. grrr!!!

2004-07-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

the moon...

BZZZ

2004-06-30T22:24:00.000+08:00

been too busy with school lately. haven't been blogging. i missed it soooo much! anyways, i have an alternate blog. i chose to separate it, because it may well depict the other side of me... at school.

this blog is for me... in general.

http://natsumi-at-sjd.blogspot.com/ is different.

till then. i still have some homework to do before i could get my much-wanted slumber...

2004-06-18T23:49:00.000+08:00

jonathan peers estrera
photograph sent by Jonathan

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TRL

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2004-06-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

The Fab 5 or the Power 5???
photographed by Natsumi

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[i hope i get this right...]
L-R:
:: joshua ::
:: mary grace ::
:: aldric ::
:: febbie ::
:: tracy pearl ::

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2004-06-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

carol may penaranda
photographed by Natsumi

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she's one of the first people i've met during the first day of classes.

her child-like persona endears her to everyone [at least, in my opinion] and so is her being bubbly and poppy like bubbles.

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2004-06-18T23:18:00.000+08:00

czarina and her tongue ring... ASTEEG!!!

photographed by Natsumi

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eto po si czarina malitao...
ang babaeng maraming itinatagong lihim.

asteeg na punk!!!
sorry, i don't think she wants her face to be glimpsed here.

this lady is one of my new classmates in San Juan de Dios College.

-----------------------------------

2004-06-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

let's drink to that! [whatever that is!]
photographed by Natsumi

Goodbyes To The Life of a BUM

2004-06-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

Goodbye to my old life.

Goodbye Bum Queen.

Goodbye.

Classes have started last Monday, 14 June 2004. And i had the most unexplainable jitters. it's been two years since i looked at my self in a mirror wearing a school uniform. i felt really silly in my new ones. pencil-cut skirt and all... an inch-heeled pair of shoes... black foot socks...

it's been two years since i entered into a formal institution [not that informatics was not]. anyways, this whole thing will go down in my autobiography sometime in the future. right now, i have to research about an initial assignment for my EN101-1PT class.

that would mean i may not be able to update my blog regularly. anyway, not too many people get to glimpse at this. [at least, i think so.]

till then!

BIYAHE NA NAMAN?!?...

2004-06-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

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nahirapan din kami sa pag-uwi. ang init ng sikat ng araw noh! fuck-shit nga eh! sunog ako! tustado! tatlong ordinary buses din ang pinalampas namin. punuan na kasi. ung nasakyan namin, air-conditioned kaya lang sa likod na kami banda nakaupo. kita naman sa picture. nasa pinakagitna pa ako. ang takot ko lang baka biglang mag-preno ang driver, didiretso talaga ang lola niyo sa gitna ng bus. hehehe

si mama pala yang nasa right hand ng picture na nakasuot ng color blue-green na blouse. syempre nakatalikod. hehehe

libre ang panoorin. hehehe kaya lang, hindi na masaya kasi napanood ko na 'to eh. Black Hawk Down

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2004-06-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

chow time for the doves...

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hehehe katuwaan lang. hapon na nang kunan ko ng litrato ang tatlong mokong na yan. pinapakain lang nila ang ilan sa 100+ na alagang kalapati ng tito ko na nasa singapore ngayon at nagtatrabaho.

pinsan ko ung dalawa sa inyong right view. ung girl doon sa left ay pinsan naman nila sa nanay nila. hehehe

2004-06-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

ang bahay ni lola... at lolo

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eto ang asteeg na bahay nina lolo at lola, ang mga magulang ni mama ko. pinsan ko lang ang mag-isang nakatira diyan ngayon. patay na kasi si lolo, last 2002 pa. wala nga ako dito sa pinas noon. kasalukuyan ko kasing inaayos ang application ko sa school noon sa singapore. di ko man lang siya nakita kahit sa huling sandali [mag-drama daw ba dito!]. eh si lola naman, bakasyonista ngayon sa singapore. alam ko nahihirapan na rin siya sa kalagayan niya. maysakit kasi siya.

asteeg ang haybol na ito sapagkat pina-renovate yan ni tita. ilang beses nang pinabendisyunan sa iba't ibang klaseng pari, pero meron pa ring nakikitira. wala namang kaso sa akin yun. yung mga bisita lang kasi ang type nilang pagtripan. hehehe

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2004-06-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

pretty, little, cute flowers...

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are they not so?

i had them taken a few minutes after arriving from a long bus ride and a bumpy and grumpy journey aboard my uncle's tricycle from the bus stop that's about 4-5 kilometers. hehehe

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ubos ang powers ko dito... pramis!

SADAKO... 'kaw ba yan?

2004-05-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sadako

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eto nga pala si Stephanie Ann Shayne G. Gonzaga. s'ya yung kasama ko na nag-videoke showdown hahapon. hehehehe

2004-05-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

SMILE!!!

from L-R:
norvie, elvie, john, kid1, sally-boy [with the V sign], marisol with the microphone, kid2, kid3

kewl dude! you don't even know the names of those three kids!
::>anyways, it's not that important. or is it? hehehe
------------------------------------

i think yesterday's going to be the most memorable birthday i'll ever have. although not everyone's present [i called 'em up only when the food arrived just to be sure i have some to serve], at least my bestfriends came.

christen came along with her boyfriend-- jerickson, and her neice [i forgot her name]. too bad. they only came to greet me. they were on their way down south and couldn't stay longer. so i shooed them off. hehehe joke joke joke...

aiza was with tita jo, her mom. and they were just great! i love them both. aiza, christen and i are... we're like the best of friends [are we really?]. doubt not that shit!

and my friend back in primary school-- liza, was also present. we haven't seen each other in the flesh for a long time. and it felt good having our friendship renewed [like a binding, life-time contract, eh].

my bestfriend and playmate since i was 5 years old, norvie was also present to party with us. she had with her her sister.

and last, but not the least, stephanie came and conquered us all with her powerful voice as she sang BEAUTIFUL vii XTINA AGUILERA. hehehe

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Since it's my birthday...

2004-05-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

this was taken at Jurong Bird Park. that's me right there on your very screen... the one with the blue cap, with her unnoticeable parrot. that's momma beside me. the girl in red shirt is my cousin angela, next to her with the red 'bird' is my sister len-len, then my cousin joven's girlfriend salvi and my cousin jessica with the white visor.

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it's not a lie. i do celebrate my birthday.
and i'm 19 already... old, eh? anyway, i just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone, who in a way or two has helped me become what i am today. to my detractors, i thank you so much. IOU a lot. no doubt about that shit. hehehe to my critics, merci! remember, the world does not erect stautes for people like you. to my momma and sister, [if ever you'd be able to read this] words alone would never suffice to how grateful i am to The One for having you near me. to the whole pack, i love y'all. to my bestfriends, thank you so much for everything... for sticking it up with me. to those who wanna be ma friend, it's never too late...

and to The One. eventhough at times my faith faltered. The One believed in me still. to thank you is not enough. never would that be enough. my life right now is how you want it to be. i completely surrender.

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since it's my birthday, i kinda thought of posting a picture here that has me in it. anyway, the real size of the picture is quite big. but in my blog, resolution has to be sacrificed. hehehe that's why i, myself, cannot make out my face in here. hehehe

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Idle Hand

2004-05-25T23:49:00.000+08:00

look at my hand... and zoom into my index finger dyed with the so-called indelible ink. yup. i, too, have cast my very first vote last May 10 elections.

Mommy, where art thou?

2004-05-24T02:04:00.000+08:00

my cute cousin lookin' out...

Gimme your sweet smile, momma!

2004-05-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

our vacation at Singapore...

What Are You Looking At?

2004-05-24T01:55:00.000+08:00

meet my cat... 'ming'

Manna Tree

2004-05-24T01:54:00.000+08:00

a spot at the entrance of Our Lady of Manaoag
---------------------------------------------------

for all we know... this could be the Manna Tree [we] have been
looking for. the tree of life and eternal truth... hehehe

Bagoong Pots

2004-05-24T01:51:00.000+08:00

these are pots made of clay. they contain the famous BAGOONG from pangasinan. this is in Lingayen. i took it last april.

Bathed In The Afternoon Sun

2004-05-24T01:49:00.000+08:00

this is the door of one of the two rooms in our house in pangasinan, taken in the afternoon.

Hello World...

2004-05-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

this was me back in my 'younger' days...

yet again..

2004-05-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

i feel like being born into this world for the first time. honestly. the past few days of my life has had me tremendously altered. i have been pondering much, as my previous entry proves, about how my life has changed so far. stop.

i am starting out a new life. after two, long years of wandering in the dark, i have finally found some glimmer of light. i am, hopefully, close to realizing my life's purpose here on earth. [does that sound so creepy to you?] anyways, that is just fine. stop.

honestly, i am changed. stop.

change topic.

something's been bothering me lately. and it's my heart. that's right! she's been bugging me lately about this person from my not-so-distant past. he has come back. apparently with a package-full of goodies! yeah, baby. and now she's begging me to give it a go and dip both my feet into waters at the same time. now ain't that stupid? "only a fool would test the depth of water with both feet."

but really, i don't want to talk about this here.

Pondering About Life

2004-05-18T23:28:00.001+08:00

lately, i've been thinking much. so much that i could not sleep sometimes. i have been contemplating much about my life as it is now.

my year kickstarted with a bang! hell yeah! i was in singapore until Chinese New Year. we were so happy then because we were also celebrating my aunt's birthday. a few days after, i suddenly had to rush back to manila. the news of my father's untimely death gave me a shock of a lifetime. but i think i carried everything well until he's been buried. only, i did not think of how his death would somehow change some aspects of my life.

i have accepted that a part of me will always miss him. and i have accepted, too, that somewhere in the mansions of my heart, i may hate him and love him at the same time. only sometimes i could not bear to think that he's gone. that he's really gone. that there's no way i could ever talk to him again and ask for his forgiveness. maybe in time i may be pardoned, only if i learn to forgive myself... soon.

april came and april went... through a magic crystal wheather... and again she has left me with another "passing" memory. the death of my class adviser back in my senior year in secondary school came as another shock to me. no one ever thought that NT had such sickness. besides, no one ever thinks of dying in their prime! so it really came as some surprise to us all.

death, loss, loneliness, pain, hatred... i realized now that everyone has to go through these things at some point in our lives in order for us to learn about the most important things in life... our faith in GOD, relationships [that includes our families], shared happiness and grievances, courage to change things and wisdom to accept the things we can not change.

UNPLUGGED

2004-04-06T02:19:00.000+08:00

i will be away for about a week. i'm going to pangasinan later this afternoon. we'll just have to wait up for my aunt who's arriving from singapore. then we'll be off.

so, i won't be able to blog for a while.

anyone who wants to reach me, my number is on my personal circumstances.

ROAD TRIP

2004-04-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

31 March 2004
9:00 p.m.
mission :: deliver the goods

three hours of pure-leaded encounter of the automobile kinds. damned traffic jam! imagine getting stuck at bonifacio avenue in balintawak-- welcome to hell -- from 9:00 p.m. till 12:00 midnight...
north luzon expressway we overrun a metallic object with a great impact. it's almost like one of the front wheels exploded. i thought we were going to lose control of the vehicle and just smash head-on to other cars. *sigh* we were fine.

1 April 2004
5:00 a.m.

finally, after 8 hours on the road, we reached Baguio. trailing Kennon Road, again after almost five years, was an exhilirating experience! the mountains stood in all their magnificence, wrapping me in the most wonderful feelings in all the world. and the cold, morning air was a fresh bath leaving me breathless and wanting more. you cannot experince that when you're in manila where there's only pollution in the air and where the temperature keeps rising to scorching degree.

6:00 a.m.
camp seven:: we arrived at the destination. breakfast at seven whislt a pirated copy of Legally Blonde 2 was playing. 9:00 a.m. till 12:30 p.m., i had my much wanted slumber, at long last. lunch then preparations.

2:30 p.m.
mission :: home

'trekking' down Kennon Road so we could go back to manila. travel was smooth. plus the sun's warmth was really calming in the afternoon at pangasinan [4:00 p.m.]. i had the urge to tell the driver to take a turn go to my hometown-- bayambang. but that was just out of the line. we had to get to manila because lileth has a flight to catch tomorrow morning.

6:00 p.m.
this was a nightmare-like experience. we had to stop at a gasoline station somewhere in tarlac, tarlac. the driver saw what really happened to our jeepney last night when we hit the metallic entity along the expressway. i don't which part was broken that needed to be replaced. it was scary because it's dusk already. and the nearest auto supply shop was almost a kilometer away and it's dificult to get a tricycle 'round here. the driver had to walk. we waited for him for an hour. and he fixed the jeepney, in an hour, too.

8:00 p.m.
back on the road again we thought it was already A-OK, y'know. but we thought wrong. the jeepney wasn't going well. in fact, it seemed like we were dragging something really heavy. we were causing a major traffic build up behind us and we had to change lanes and move to the road shoulder. damn! we cannot go faster than a snail! it would take us another hour and a half before we reach a gasoline station with McDonald's nearby [syempre, special request].

9:30 p.m.
capas, tarlac
munching on my cheeseburger the driver was exchanging words with some of the tricycle drivers in the area. after he had his share, he pounced that part which was broken with another metallic object [ah, blame me! i know not a thing about parts of a vehicle!] mama was already frantic because lileth was with us and she had a flight to catch early tomorrow. she even suggested that if the jeepney can't be fixed, we'd have to take a bus from here to manila. the jeepney cannot be on the road dahil po sa colorum. we'd have to leave dear mr. driver and the jeepney. but anyway, we didn't have to resort to that. after about an hour, we're on the road once more.

2 April 2004
12:00 midinight
north luzon expressway
heavy traffic... inhaling dust and smoke. experiencing too much in the last 24 hours of my hardly-lived life was *way kewL* and muy-exciting and such a FUCKAROW!

2:30 a.m.
pasay, sin city
with my back aching, a lurching stomach-- hungry for food, excited for another bout with carbohydrates and all; a sticky feeling all over because of the confusion of dust, smoke, perspiration; too much humidity...
finally, I AM HOME

Jim Caviezel ~~~ my man

2004-03-26T02:51:00.000+08:00

i first saw this hottie in the movie The Count of Monte Cristo. and at that moment i knew he was the one... he was the epitome of my *dream husband* yay! his performance in that movie is truly inspiring. i fell in love with Edmond Dantes. until now, i still burn for him. hehehe you just gotta love this man. his *beauty is enigmatic [this is my blog, i can say whatever i want to say here!]. his smile is so immaculate. and his gaze... it melts my heart. his eyes, i could drown in them. [inarte_ang_bruha]

but on the real thing, man, he has talent. and there's no denying that fact. oh, he's much blessed! good looks and superb talent! what more can a mere human being ask for?!?!?!

i am looking forward to seeing The Passion of The Christ. it's just that, no one's available to see it with me. anyway, i can always wait until the DVD is released. i'd prefer to see it on DVD rather than at the cinema where there'd me much disturbance for concentration. and there's also Highway Men to watch out for.

The Lord of The Rings: TFOTR; TTT: Special Extended DVD

2004-03-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

it's quite funny. it's been two months since i have laid my hands on these stuffs. and it was only today that i, at last, uncovered their Easter Eggs.

on TFOTR, i found the hidden *preciousss on the first disc. and it was hilarious!!! totally! Mr. Peter Jackson said MTV created it. damn! i didn't see in on MTV! how could i've missed it! anyway, it was quite surprising to see jack black's *arse on screen! exhilirating! imagine having *the one ring* to be inserted into his *lil hobbit and then having the council to decide what to do with it... the hidden video was an alternative to what really happened at *the council of Elrond. i already spilled much of the beans...

on TTT, it's also on the first disc. i've seen this one on MTV! yes, my preciousss. i've seen it. it's MTV-ASIA movie awards last year. it was created by the Digital FX team of Mr. Peter Jackson. they knew beforehand that Mr. Andy Serkis was going to receive an award for his performance as Gollum. really an ice-breaker!

anyway, both dvd sets are worthy of my dollars... really worthy...

BEEZEE

2004-03-21T02:02:00.000+08:00

way sleezy!!!

2004-03-19T01:29:00.000+08:00

i don't really feel like blogging.

i feel like i'm missing someone. he may never know i'm missing him but he may be able to read this.

ahhh... this is hopeless...

SSDD

2004-03-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

it's SSDD...

but it's good that i'm a little better now. thanks to BRANDY!!! hehehehe

man!!! you gotta love BRANDY!!!

what? you don't know BRANDY???

anyway, Brandy is... who? Brandy???

i don't know either...

am becoming such a dorkass here...

anyway... hello to my friend... what was the name again???

SSDD

2004-03-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

yeah, man! it's the Same Shit, Different Day... yet again...

i'm worse right now.

but i can still manage.

i even had a shot of brandy that's supposed to help me sleep earlier. i just didn't know it'd have a different effect on me. instead of lulling me to my much-wanted slumber, i am quite stimulated to stay up for another couple of hours, thus giving me the chance to blog about it. hehehe

one of these days, i'll be changing the skin of my blog. it's become an eyesore to me already. i guess it's because i see the same colors everyday. i've grown to dislike it. i just hope i'll be over and done with the new template i'm modifying; again it's by may*star. and may*star is may, but she's not me. she's a lady from across the globe. i don't personally know her, but she's quite popular in the net. that i can bet on!!!

hehehe

i'll see if i can come back later and blog again.

SSDD

2004-03-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

666F726576657220627920796F757220736964652E00

this is in hex... try it...

SSDD

2004-03-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

you know the feeling of monotony???
i guess this is it...

i'm sick to the bones and i'm depressed. totally.

this is one hell of a fuckarow!!!

SSDD, by the way, means Same Shit, Different Day...

this is funny yet very comgeeky...

2004-03-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

check this out:
010011010111100100100000011011010110111101110100
011010000110010101110010001000000110100101110011
001000000110000100100000011001100110100101110011
0110100000101110

if you wanna know what this means, go to:
nickciske

i hate it!!!

2004-03-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

damn! i ain't feeling well right now. i think i'm having a flu. can't breathe easily. and i have a bad bout of cough.
don't really feel like blogging but i figure that i have to. anyway, i just want to get well again and soon...

lost... found... and lost again?

2004-03-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

i thought i'd never find him again. i never really thought much about it until i found him now. it's been too long since we last saw each other. it's been too long since we last said goodbye. it's been too long since i heard his voice over the phone. it's been too long...

it's been too long...

and now, i'm afraid that it's too late. too late for everything.

i know i may be a year older than him, but he probably looks older than me. but damn! i cannot figure out what's going on in my brain... all the memories keep rushing in at full speed, without warning.

upon learning of his status, i reallly felt like sinking deep. sinking to a bottomless pit. sinking deeper and deeper by the moment... and now, all i could do is think about those times when he was at my reach and still could not touch him...

oh! the unfathomable mysteries of life...

DAMN IT ALL!!!

2004-03-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

the first time i saw his picture, the feeling was overwhelming. it was so life-like. it was as if he weren't really dead. but the face of the man in the photograph exudes a feeling of melancholy, hopelessness and loss. and i could neither bear to look at it in close range nor stare at it for a minute. it made me feel exactly how it looked. and it made me wanna cry. but i couldn't bear to cry! no! not with too many people around me. not with those prying eyes... no! never!

then i saw something that had once belonged to him. that thing was from me. a coffee mug. on the mug was the message: "IDOL KO SI DADDY". how ironic. i used to feel like, yeah, i admire this man... he's perfect... i loved him. and i still do. damn! i still do!

and now that he's six feet below the ground, may he rest in peace. for peace, as of now, is far from my grasp. i cannot rest my mind nor my heart. no. not yet. until everything is settled.

acceptance. letting go. damned difficult business! up until now, i still could not believe he is dead. that everything i thought of as true and valid are in fact-- lies. that behind the perfect image is a rotting corpse. that the rotting corpse was my father. that my father was a big, fat liar!!!

no, i am not crying right now. that's way out of my league now. i won't cry for him anymore. no. not a single tear. but damn it! he's in my thoughts everytime my mind slips from reality. everytime, like now. and damn! i don't like it!!!

soon... it will be over. soon it will be over and done with...

to those people going against me... think again. for you do not know the real me. no. not at all. so watch your steps. and take extra precaution along the way.

travails and travels...

2004-03-03T19:32:00.000+08:00

hehehe
at dawn, i'd be on the road to pangasinan together with my mother and her friend.
it would be the 40th day of my father's death.
duh...

LOTR... The Return of the King

2003-12-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

Damn! it's december already! am too excited!!! i want to see that movie like my life depended on it.

(sigh) am not sure if i'd be able to see it with friends here in manila. i might be abroad by that time to spend the holidays... so...
nada...

on friday, i'm going to pangasinan together with my mom and sis along with some other peepz...

well, anyway, for more updates on me... just keep on reading...

adios...

a lil nuts...

2003-11-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

j-pop rocks!!!
utada hikaru!!!

a lil unwell

2003-11-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

yeah, i'm a bit demented these past few days. i don't really know why. can't get enough sleep, too. whenever the day's come to bedtime, i dread it because it means more time tossing and turning in bed and less sleep and bigger eyebags. hehehe

sometimes i resort to reading rather than scratch my eyes till i fall asleep. but sometimes it becomes too fearsome for me to read during nighttime.

I've been reading a certain a book. It was kinda pshycological thriller, with the low-profile characters dying because of some freak 'byrum' from space, an alien feeding on their gut whilst they give off 'death fumes' (farts and belch), and most of their teeth fall off sometime. Man! Imagine yourself in those people's shoes! I just can't forget the night I dreamt about this. Damn! It felt soooo real. In the dream I was ready to die and at the same time I was sorry that I had to die because I was thinking of my family. I was carrying a byrum in my gut and it wants to be out already while my teeth came off drenched in my blood and I was crying. Too sorry for myself...

And then two days after dreaming that peculiar dream, my aunt's 10-day old son died.

Was it coincidence or did I dream him to death?

Naah... It can't be... But can it?

The story has been made into a movie. The Movie disappointed me, really.

Nevertheless, I loved the book and the author... Stephen King.

Dreamcatcher

damned FUCKAROW

2003-11-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

duh... been too busy and too tired lately. don't have much time and 'money' to blog. and most of all, i've been too lazy to update my blog, honestly. it felt like i didn't have any real reason to do so...

for two days since coming back from the province, i've been feeling too lazy, i wouldn't wanna move my ass just to get a glass of water. hahaha!

the only person i thought would try to get in touch with me never did so. he never tried even once to take the initiative. well, anyway, he's not the only man left in this damned world! damn! there are others out there craving for my attention, and there he is, fucking guy, ignoring me! hehehe

enough about that guy...

there's just too many things for me think about. the one that bothers me most is my studies. damn it but i'm stuck here. can't get to a school till next year. damn this fuckarow!

i hate to say this but my life just sucks right now! and yeah, i'm laughing at it! hell yeah, i can!

2003-10-28T21:45:00.000+08:00

busy... too busy. tomorrow am going to pangasinan. i'll be too busy... and too far from my laptop 9nope, won't be bringing it with me.)

busy... too busy... till then...

read on...

2003-10-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

i think the worst will soon come upon me. my mother is giving me the biggest fright of my life.

she'd often go out in the morning and come home late at night [if not very late] carrying a stack of foods.

think that's not frightening? think again, mate!

today, she went out again. earlier, before she decided she'd go out, i heard her talking over the phone. i asked her before she left for her 'date' where she's headed and what's up with it? she says "blah blah blah" if you know what i mean.

then, she comes home at 7:00 pm, 'carrying a stack of foods'. when asked where she went to, i got the same reply.

as she falls asleep, i rummaged through her bag.

and there's just too many things inside there that she wouldn't be carrying if the situation hadn't changed.

my suspicion just grows bigger everyday. and it's eating me up alive. my conscience is bugging me! "hey! that's your mother! how could you!"

and the fear continues to eat up my whole system; tearing apart what's left of my sanity.

but, one thing for sure, i will not be pacified with a 'stack of foods'! soon, i will choke the truth out of her. she's been doing this for 'heaven-knows-when'! and i just hate it! i wish she'd just let go of everything that has happened in out lives. i know this is easier said than done, but to take the first step would be easy.

2003-09-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

silence creeps in...
shadows fall into place...
life wasted on nothingness
where do i go

silence rings in ears
breaking the monotony
of a lame life
where do i go

silence all i could hear
shadows closing in on me
fear up my throat
where do i go

silence is all there is
nothingness is bound to be
lust down my groin
where do i go

2003-09-19T14:08:00.000+08:00

Been too tired lately so I haven't posted anything. been busy redesigning my blog.

duh...

2003-09-17T01:16:00.000+08:00

I recently added a Hit Counter. nothing important really. just want to know the number of people viewing my blog, that's all.

2003-09-17T00:21:00.000+08:00

IF I COULD

If the worry was mine to dance in

I'd let you take the lead

If I could find the perfect place

I'd never let you leave

If I could write the perfect song

I'd hear it through your voice

If I could have the perfect love

You would be my only choice

If I could paint a masterpiece

I'd trace it from your face

If I could have the perfect gift

I'd want your warm embrace

If I could take you in my arms

I'd keep you there forever

If I could find the perfect way

To tell you this is true

I'd simply hold you close to me

And whisper "I Love You"

.:This my friend Jan Michael wrote way back during our Senior High year:.

...::: I find it too difficult to fall in love. That I must admit. I know. I know those reading this who know me will probably raise their eyebrows. But this is my honest-to-goodness 'true' confession.

...:::I may find a guy attractive at first because of his physical looks. After that, i look at how well he speaks his mind and how high he esteems women. If I find him attractive and a real dope, I lose interest.

...:::Another thing is that I am just scared.

...:::Of what? Of having that type of relationship between opposite sexes. I find it icky! It pukes me, really. The first time I had one, it only lasted less than a year. [hehehe]

...:::So, honestly, who would want someone like me?

Now see this. It's about me.

2003-09-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

My Friendships...

2003-09-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

Here’s one thing about me: I love my friends

I have varied types of friends, as everyone does. In terms of ‘sexual orientation’ [ I prefer to say it this way… not “SEX” or even “Gender”], I have female friends who behave as is and otherwise; I have male friends as well who are as we may put it, ‘straight’ and some are just plain ‘womanly’.

It is such a disheartening truth that not too many people accept how others portray their sexuality eventhough we’re now living in a free world. Some are just too inclined to the old customs that it is rather difficult for them to accept things as they are now. I say, let’s get off each other’s noses! But then I will not be putting much talk about sexual orientation now. Some other time.

Anyway, here’s a special message from one of my best friends [ I have two.]:

“Thank you so much for being a friend that I need. I know words are not enough to let you know how thankful I am to have you in my life. You are one of the sweetest pieces of the puzzle completing my life. Though we had some arguments in the past… ‘Kaw pa rin ang best friend ko!”

This is just a part of the message she wrote in her ‘supposed’ letter for me that she sent for my ‘supposed’ 18th birthday. I was abroad then and the letter contained a wrong address so it was sent back to her here in manila.

“Sana sa debut ko, ‘andito ka. You’ll be the best gift for my birthday if you’ll come.”

That she said in her letter. Little did she know I was already planning to come back home. I don’t know if she was surprised to learn last June that I was already here.

Of course, I was there during that particular moment in her life. And I can say that she was extremely happy.

Well, I am glad that I made that choice back in the year 1998 to befriend two people I [most often than not] considered my foes then. I am so much blessed already to have them both, and still more friendships kept pouring in.

‘Chemically speaking, my life is a ‘mixture’ different types of ‘solutes’ [ I am the ‘solvent’] making it taste uncommonly, feel icky [sometimes, that is], look oozy, stink like human feces and exotic perfume at the same time. In short, I could be anything ‘cause I have everything, [like an ad for a vitamins]: from A to Zinc.’

vii::Natsumi

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend...

2003-09-15T01:55:00.000+08:00

In every moment of our lives, time is of the essence. We cannot alter its speed. We cannot alter what has happened beyond it. We only have "now" and maybe "tomorrow".

Now upon pondering, I realize that I am losing much time. I've been, yeah, stagnant here in my miserable, bitter yet joyful and meaningful existence.

Someone told me to get a grip, move my ass out of this stinking shit and get a life. Talk about life! But, yeah, I must admit, I've been too busy planning what to do next that too much time have passed by. But not too much as to make people think I am very old. [hahaha!]

My "soul" sister told me to realize what my real dream is. And to realize that, I know I need to reach into the bowels of my heart, mind and soul. I think I've forgotten too much about myself that sometimes I do not know if this is really me or am I in limbo. This "soul" sister is a special friend of mine. She's like a friend, sister, twin, mother and everything in between [she'd not a lesbian though]. I am grateful to God for having her in my life. Thank you, "ate-kambal".

I promise to get a "life" soon. Thanks for believing in me and I'm sorry if I'm about to lose some time again.

214 vii:: Rivermaya

2003-09-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

am i real
do the words i speak before you
make you feel
that the love i have for you
will see no ending
but if you'll look into my eyes
then you should know
that there is nothing here to doubt,
nothing to fear
and you can lay your questions down
'cause if you'll hold me
we can fade into the night
and you'll know

* the world could die
and everything may lie
still you shant cry
'cause time may pass
but longer than it'll last
i'll be by your side

take my hand
and gently close your eyes
so you could understand
that there's no greater love tonight
than what i've for you
well, if you feel the same way for me
then let go
we can journey to the garden
of your love
life is short, my darling,
tell me that you love me
so we can fade into the light
and you'll know

*
forever by your side
i want you to know

**the world could lie
and everything may die
still you shan't cry
'cause time may pass
and everything won't last
i'll be by your side

forever by your side[2x]
so you won't cry

::here's one of my favorite songs...::

It is best to love first what you are fitted to love. You must start somewhere and have some roots and deep soil.

2003-09-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

:: JRR Tolkien

It's difficult business- falling in love. One must be ready to take in everything, whether it be sweet happiness or bitter pain.

But for me, my case is not concerned with "falling in love with whom", but rather, "falling in love with what and how".

When I was in primary 1, I thought that after that I'd be like that woman speaking in front of the class and teaching us how to read and write. Exactly, a teacher! I felt really awed that I still had to go to school for a decade... that becoming a teacher took more than a year in school [being primary 1 student as a matter of fact].

In my sixth grade in primary school, I discovered I could write. Not that I was unable to write anything comprehensible since kindergarten. I could write with 'content' if you know what I mean. I was a copywriter. And since then, I considered journalism one of my greatest dreams.

Enter my secondary school years. I met new sets of friends, broke ties with some of the old ones and created new ones with those I knew since primary but never had the chance to kindle anything between us. It was an exhilarating experience! Friendship, freedom and new challenges. Along came that someone who awoken something in me that made me a different person from what I used to be somehow. She kindled that fire in me to explore life, love life, and live life. And so, I learned to love the science of life— biology. Then somebody else unraveled my supposed talent in writing. He encouraged me to write again… about anything under the sun. He inspired me to become a staff for the school paper. My part in the school’s two papers, published in both English and Filipino, was, as I may say it, history.

But sometimes, the most unexpected things happen and you just have to let them pass without further adieu. Two of the most important people in my life called it “quits” forever. I got an offer from my relatives abroad to study under their support and care. And I passed the entrance exam from the most coveted universities in Manila [the only university where I took an entrance exam]. Result: my brain resorted to confusion, numbness and a certain trance-like dream.

One day, ‘she’ asked me what I would be taking up for college. I told her I was considering Biology. Her answer, I thought, burst my dream bubble. I thought she would be the most keen person to persuade me to follow her footsteps. Well, I thought wrong. And ‘he’, I suppose he was just another gay spirit who went along my direction and started a friendship with me and the rest of the gang. Not only did we become friends, he also chose to force me into a path I would later regret taking. But it had happened already and I can never return to the past to mend it.

After graduating from secondary school last march 2002, I still didn’t have a clear idea as to what course to take in college… I didn’t have a clear picture of my “supposed-to-be future”. A self-proclaimed grammarian, journalist and biologist... Talk about dreams!!! Specifically, daydreaming.

Everyone knows I went abroad to pursue something I didn’t have any idea about. Well, I took it and I don’t regret it. My one-year stint there was worth so many things. I obtained an international diploma.

But right now, I think I am losing so much time by just hanging around here. I am planning to take up a medical course, which is not Biology. I don’t know if my mind would work right again this time. I just hope it does, like what we both did back abroad.

And talk about love… Have I fallen in love thrice already?

I loved my first love. Was I fit to love it in the first place? I think I was, if not for my talent in it. And where did I start? In school where I lost and gained so much of myself.

I just hope that my new plans will succeed.

So help me God.

2003-09-02T02:37:00.000+08:00

a lot of things have been hidden from me... from the most minute detail of my life to the most complex aspects of the this wild and crazy world... everything is hidden well behind that hour before the sun rises in the east the following mornig. it has always been a challenge for me to chase the dawn... but as always, my strength fails me.

i despair at the utmost sight of loss... but sometimes, there's more to it than just 'losing'... "you lose something, you gain something" and vice versa...

but i know i can not give up when i still have something in me that makes me breathe... i breathe the air of life... i live life...
for as long as there is life in me, despair shall not overcome me wholly...

2003-09-02T02:10:00.000+08:00

hah! life just gets better everyday... or should i say bitter, eh?
c'mon! hit me!

Natsumi Hattori's Universe

EWAN

Transient...

napadaan lang...

in transit

The Tale of The 'Almost' Vanishing Cabinet

In the name of...

for the sake of PT DAY

Calayo, Nasugbu, Batangas

Been Too Long...

HAHAHA

LOST

It's About Time...

SSDD

a travel to the skies

CRAM!!!

these are the days

confession of a learned soul...

Almost A Life's Story

BZZZ

Goodbyes To The Life of a BUM

BIYAHE NA NAMAN?!?...

SADAKO... 'kaw ba yan?

Since it's my birthday...

Idle Hand

Mommy, where art thou?

Gimme your sweet smile, momma!

What Are You Looking At?

Manna Tree

Bagoong Pots

Bathed In The Afternoon Sun

Hello World...

yet again..

Pondering About Life

UNPLUGGED

ROAD TRIP

Jim Caviezel *~*~*~* my man

The Lord of The Rings: TFOTR; TTT: Special Extended DVD

BEEZEE

SSDD

SSDD

SSDD

SSDD

this is funny yet very comgeeky...

i hate it!!!

lost... found... and lost again?

DAMN IT ALL!!!

travails and travels...

LOTR... The Return of the King

a lil nuts...

a lil unwell

damned FUCKAROW

read on...

duh...

Now see this. It's about me.

My Friendships...

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend...

214 vii:: Rivermaya

It is best to love first what you are fitted to love. You must start somewhere and have some roots and deep soil.

Jim Caviezel ~~~ my man